This is how I feel

My mom says its not very convincing with the beer bottle in the back ground.

DUDE thats like two weeks old. I'm trying to grow some mold for science class.

My nipples are like ice cube covered rocks

My cozy little apartment - or whatever- has no happy medium temperature. The week it was so damn hot I came home to a hot stuffy house and sweat my non-existant cahones off. So I made my brother help me put my air conditioner in my window and it was soo much better!

Well what the hell happened to the good weather!? I came home today and my smart little air conditioner had turned itself on while I was at work and I am freezing! I have on two pairs or socks, two pairs of sweats, a hoodie, and wrapped up in a blanket.

OR... maybe its because the ear itching turned into illness. Damn it! This is why I got my tonsils out! So I wouldnt get strept ever again. RUDE.
If any of you people love me at all, you'll bring me popsicles.
Oh OH! The cherry pineapple orange twistie ones.
Oh and I'm out of milk... :) lol

Just Clearing My Head

* My ears itch. I feel the need to tickle my eardrum with a pencil, and even that isnt enough.

* Frosting is so much better straight out of the can, than on an actual cake.

* Salads still suck, unless it is completely saturated in Ranch.

* I got a very nice 1 yr review from work that I am very proud of. But it is a mixed emotion event... My 1 yr at my job will also be a year that my Grandma Joyce has passed. And it makes me so sad to think she hasnt had her hair cut or colored since April of 07. I am so fired.

* I hate men. All of them. Even the gay beautiful ones.

* Bud Light Lime is my new favorite beer. But it is advised to not mix it with a drink that contains vodka, and then throw in a couple tequila shots. It is followed by a wicked hangover. Which made me so glad I didnt have to take care of that screaming infant this morning... which brings me to:

* The baby next door will not shut up. These walls are entirely too thin. I am going to go buy that poor girl some pacifiers and booze. holy shit.

* I am getting to the point where it is just entertaining to stay home and sit in silence listening to the neighbor to my right scream at his kids and listen to his phone conversations (he is so loud!) and hear the dude above me play his wii, and the neighbors to my left sing kareoke on Rock Band. They totally suck.

* Ok I totally lied about hating men. Will somebody PLEASE hook me up with a handsome gentleman!? Seriously. If he has a job, a car, and teeth... I'm in.

A Bit Obsessed

I LOVE this lady! And yes, I do find it completely ironic that I just wrote a post about not being ready to be a mom - and dont get me wrong I truly cannot wait to be a mommy - but I think that I have a healthy realization of 'not being ready' because I was totally raised in the thought of - 'thats how it goes'...
You grow up and get married and have kids and drive a mini van.
Almost all of my friends are married and/or have kids.

Anyhow, I am totally hooked on "Super Nanny", partly because of her parenting techniques, but mostly because it is hilarious to see the shit that some people take from their kids.
And half the time my jaw is dropped going "Holy Crap, I never did that to my parents!!". It usually results in me calling my mom and telling her thanks for not locking me in the basement, or beating me to a bloody pulp.

I mostly like to practice some of the tips on my friends' kids... and then screech EUREKA! when it totally works and I think I am so cool.
I havent really learned that treats arent always good, and that 2 cupcakes a bowl of cookie crisp and a half a bag of licorice just before bed probably isnt such a good idea.
... but the teeth were totally brushed afterwards...

BLEH!

Eating healthy sucks. And its expensive! Do you have any idea how much easier it is to just make a grilled cheese sandwich!? Or hop in the car and drive to Wendy's! Good lord! I just want my stomach removed and the thingy in my brain that relates boredom, depression and all other emotions with HUNGRY.
I'm to the point where I have to almost force myself to eat salad.
You know, when you were a little kid and your mom made you sit up to the table until the rest of your zucchini was gone...and you have to plug your nose so you can get it down - and then you get a little whiff and you dry heave a little and your eyes start to water - and then when your mom leaves the room you throw it in the garbage - and when she returns she knows there is no way in hell you finished it without a fight and makes you dig it out of the garbage!?
Oh. Sorry. Went off on a tangent there.
But its like that...
I wish I had a double cheeseburger with no onions and extra pickles right now. :(

Good News!

I am SOO not ready to be a mom!!! YAY!
This is coming from someone who crazily adores babies...like, we're talking serious illness.
My neighbor's baby is SCREEEEEEEAAAAAMING. NONSTOP. BLOOD MURDER.
This be some serious shit. I wanna put my head through the wall.
I kinda feel bad. Like maybe take her a shot of vodka, some earplugs, and a klonopin. Or maybe offer to watch her while she goes and takes a breather.
Im just glad I dont hear her at night.

For Reals?

Cant a girl bake a damn cake without having to know spanish?
Um... 'xcuse me... but this is AMERICA. If I wanted instructions en espanol I would drive to Mexico and grab mi uno in espanol!!! QUE!?
Por favor for the amore of jesus. Dont put spanish on Betty Crocker. Thats all-american.

And now, I'm at peace.

This is soo my next purchase. I need one of these.

I'm taking up photography

I JUST LEARNED HOW TO USE MY NEW CAMERA THAT I GOT FOR CHRISTMAS! YES!!!!

How High

This is what Dare-os do when they are bored.

They put their brothers on forklifts and let them dangle in the air. LOL

It was so worth hearing him scream like a little girl.

I've been stimulated!

Can I just tell you how happy I was to come home to find this little beauty in my mailbox!? GOD BLESS AMERICA! I am never complaining about the war again! Unless they dont send me more of these.

Gotta Go! Got bills to pay!

Oh What A Day!

I have had the urge to quickly get home to blog (about the same urge as when you really really have to pee) about all the thoughts going on in my head for like seven hours. So I pray the lord will bless me with the words that I need to type.
(I am sooo going to hell, huh mom.)

1) I have come to the conclusion that just about everyone in Utah County wears their church clothes on a regular basis. This I swear to you. I cannot tell you how many people I counted wearing dress clothes. Unless there was some church convention I was not aware of...

2)I don't know what the big deal is about this American Idol's David Archuleta character - but only in Utah will you hear on the news, a fan actually ask this question:
"So David, I know you are a member of the LDS church... Do you know if you are going to be serving a mission?"
(And then vodka tonic shoots out of Amanda's nose from laughing so hard)

3) I just wanted to share with you people that Wal-mart has COLORED SAND. Oh. My. HEAVENS! I'll take seven bags of the pink, please.
I so badly wanted to buy a kiddie pool and fill it up with pink sand.
Enter mom: "Where would you put it, in your living room!?"
"Well its my living room."

Thanks for reminding me just how ridiculous my ideas are sometimes, mom.
Thanks for not letting me waste my money on sand.
Thanks for purchasing my items at the store for me because I forgot my wallet and couldnt buy sand anyways.
Thanks for reminding me to lower my voice when we go places, cuz I draw attention.
Thanks for letting me be your favorite child (we'll keep that on the DL)
Thanks for not strangling me at birth.
Thanks for not getting too upset when I swipe your jewelry.
Thanks for being the perfect mom, and being so smart and strong and loving.
Happy Mothers Day... In three hours.

Hey! Those are MY earrings!!

The Race for the Boobs

I have now done my very first 5k! And for such a great cause!
I totally thought it would be horrible and my legs would fall off - or someone would push me and I would land on my face. But it was a success and there were sooo many people! And there we so many funny team shirts! I need to think of something creative for next year.
And then, cuz I am such an athletic champ, and finished in a timely fashion (1 hour and 30 seconds) they gave me a water bottle and a banana AND an orange.
Dont be jealous.

Karma

Its funny how things work, isnt it...?
Like today: "Do you really expect me to let you in Mr. "My pee-pee is so small I have to over-compensate with a huge ass truck", after you cut me off cuz you just HAD to be in front of me... I'm gonna go ahead and say 'no'.

And Im pretty sure I'm gonna get bitten in the ass for things I've done, like not tipping the horribly rough, yet sloppy vietnamese lady that did my pedicure on Saturday. (gasp!) I know... And being on the other side of it as the 'tip reciever' it SUCKS when you dont get tipped - but THERE ARE REASONS.

For instance when I said not to take off my polish, I had just painted them, I just wanted my heels done... she took it off anyways. BITCH SLAP #1

Then I said, ok then, dont file my nails they are already too short... and she continued to CLIP and FILE THEM. OH my GOSH, lady. Your joking, right!?

AND THEN I nicely ask her to not scrub my whole foot with the scrubie, for fear that I would kick her in the face...and guess what she did. (this wasnt sooo bad, as much as one more thing that had pissed me off.)

My toenails were short and crooked, she got nail polish all over and didnt clean it up, my heels looked like shit, so YEAH... little frustrated.
WHY the hell did I just pay $25 to get a pedicure, when I could have done an equally shitty job by myself.

To wrap this fun little salon trip up, when I paid she waved the reciept in the air and yelled some mean curse (in her native language) to the other nail ladies.

I sure hope she didnt put too horrible of spell on me.
... and I hope that dudes truck gets totaled by a pot-smoking teenager in a stationwagon.

Thats So Me!

Loves to try new things
Adores babies
Treasures her friends
Is a good girl, and a bad girl
Collects Disney movies
Swears like a sailor
Loves musicals
Speaks her mind
Loves to laugh… hard
Has a big heart
Wishes to swim in a pool filled with caramel
Is a good listener
Has a lot of stories… a lot
Loves to make people laugh
Recites movie lines every chance she gets
Enjoys comedy
Sometimes repeats herself
Sometimes repeats herself
Shoots a gun
Can be very un-ladylike, and doesn’t care
Twiddles her hair
Is just a little bit crazy
Buys merchandise in pairs, without realizing it
Will never drink gin again
Loves to take care of others
Has an obsession with HOT PINK
Could watch f.r.i.e.n.d.s. episodes for hours, and does
Never takes her own advice
Sometimes cries for no reason
Prefers Diet Coke over Coke - but Pepsi over Diet
Can be very impatient
Collects makeup and hardly wears it
Is a hard worker
Never sleeps

In the Words of Jesse Ventura...

" What I would like to see on the ballot is...
NONE OF THE ABOVE "
'nuff said.