I love it when you get the 'courtesy wave' from the dude you let into the line of traffic before you, because when they dont it really makes me want to hit their car.

Not that it's like a rule that you have to wave - it's just NICE.

My 4.3 minute commute consists of crossing a very busy road, in which cars line up to get into the turn lane to get onto the freeway.

So they sit in a line of like 16 cars (an inch away from eachother) not letting anyone else in.

So my tricky, totally illegal manuever does not put my car infront of anyone elses - it simply bypasses where everyone wants to be so I can get into the opposite lane. Allow me to doodle for you. I sure hope no cops read my blog... if they do my name is: Sarah Palin, and I dont know what I am talking about.

(The colored blobs are cars lined up to turn right.

The tan blob is my car with the left blinker on pretending to go left.

But in a flash while no one is looking and the coast is clear I fake a left and go right, into the OTHER lane.)

I am so sneaky. This is the dumbest blog I have ever written but I am very fond of the program PAINT and could doodly-doo til the cows come home.

So make fun all you want. But you will never get a pretty picture from me!

Must be Friday!

SEVEN.
Not the lucky number,
not minutes in heaven,
not deadly sins, or the movie with yummy Brad Pitt,
not erogenous zones...
However, SEVEN is the number of outfits I tried on and then DID NOT hang back up in my closet this morning.
It has been a really good week - so to finalize it with a bit of a hectic morning.... LOL oh well.

ITS FRIDAY BITCHES!!!

MySpace Layouts & MySpace Comments

eleven minutes.

That's how long I lasted in my Anger Management Class today.

It was the first of a six-class series... and I lasted 11 minutes.

I can proudly report that I didn't leave in an angry way... It was just so retarded that my brain hurt, so I left.

It was right about the time the teacher said:

"Were going to start with an opening exercise, pass these crayons around"

OH HELL NO.

My coloring and creativity skills are just fine! I came here to learn how to not yell at people for being dumb asses!

I honestly felt like I was in preschool, or PRIMARY!

I wanted to stand up and offer to say the opening prayer, but instead I faked a phone call and got myself the hell OUT.

I think I will stick to my breathing exercises for now.

Last Time I Swear.

Dear Jesus,

Hi. How are you. I know I haven't really talked to you a whole lot lately, but I was kinda sorta wondering if I could have some extra 'brownie points' when I get to heaven. You see, I think that I should be doubly rewarded for 1) telling the truth in the first place and 2) even though I wanted to yell and scream and state my case to that meany-head landlord... I didn't.
I actually called her today and thanked her for taking care of this little problem... then apologized for my actions. I know, right. I'm a freaking angel.
Anyways, If you could save me a seat somewhere relatively near the front row, preferably next to Mother Theresa and Anna Nicole Smith... that would be great.
Thank you for your time, I know your busy with all these angry hurricanes.

All my love,

Amanda

Oh, P.S. - Do they have those Pink Heaven dresses in a 2x? I'm really looking forward to that. I want my Grandma Joyce to decorate mine with Puffy Paints. (HI GRAMMA!!)

Weekly Updates

I am still (yes, STILL) upset about my door. But whatever.

AAANND Breeeeathe.

Last week was a bitch. I had a cold, was on the rag, AND had a yeast infection.

It itched! And I couldn't scratch it! Cuz there was blood. But it itched! But I couldn't scratch! But I wanted to scratch - and I couldn't.

...And so on and so forth...

I still don't give a rats ass about who will become the future Jackass, I mean President of the USofA. I have had several discussions about this with people, some completely random... and I have to tell you my favorite reaction has been that every persons eye balls pop out of their heads.

Dude. I didn't ask for what your gross family income is, because I already have a good idea it's more than mine... I asked: Who You Are Voting For.

Is that so wrong?

I mean, I know there isn't really a filter on my mouth - but at least I didn't ask you what ethnic color you prefer your dildo to be! Sheesh.

I am taking a (free) Anger Management course at the community center, that is provided for people who have a short fucking fuse.

I don't know anyone like that... hmmm.

I say why not... I am in a place right now where I want to better myself and my surroundings... and curb the mood swings.

But I swear to god if they make me hold hands and stand in a circle singing Kumbya, I'm done.

My favorite khaki capri pants assed out. I am so sad. But they were three years old. I picked them up from the laundry basket this morning and there was a Louisiana sized hole in the butt. I think a tear really did stream down my cheek. Everything is breaking. My bras! My pants! My door!

I heart therapy. I have been going back to my counselor and I love her guts.

I think everyone should have a counselor. And those of you that think you don't, then those are the ones that REALLY do.

Think about it. It is someone outside of your social circle. You see them once a week. You can yell, you can cry, you can get all your frustrations and concerns out. You can bitch about your family and kids and coworkers. Then you go home. It is such a big relief. Its my 'bring-it-back-to-earth' validation day.

If you are reading this and are thinking to yourself, "Well I am not angry or upset or emotional and I love EVERYONE"... Please tell me which medication combination you are currently taking and I will discuss this information with my therapist at my future schedule appointment.

I have also added a new food obsession to my cravings list. Homemade SaLsA! mmmMMMgood! Hummus and Salsa! Its a damn party over here! Someone bring beer and someone bring more beer! Lets Shake it up!!

Anything BUT.

Boring? Me? Never.

Someone called me 'Boring' and I dont exactly remember who, but I bet they are glad I dont, so I dont have to hurt myself kickin some ass!

Honestly I am baffled. Literally speechless (for like two seconds).

Loud - Always
Bitchy - Sometimes
Full of Life - Especially
Crazy - A real safe amount
Lovable - Oh totally!
Outgoing - Completely
Annoying - Depends on who you ask

... but BORING? I beg to differ.

Honesty the best policy?

This is HORSE SHIT.
$70 turned into $198.50 REAL QUICK.
I am late for work and clearly not thinking, well... at all, and I had to get into my house OK!
There is no better way to kill the groove of a Friday night than to get a bill requesting CASH NOW.
For reals thats what it said. DUE NOW.
And then I'm all DONT YELL AT ME IN CAPS, ONLY I CAN DO THAT!

I coulda fixed it for free with my tools and my hammer. I even have some duct tape and gorilla glue . That shit is a god-send. I love gluing things together. Or things to floors. Cant even begin to tell you how many quarters got glued to the hallway floors in high school. On the stairs - thats the best. Because no one stops for a penny... but a QUARTER! Thats like 3 away from a SODA! So imagine someone bending over to pick a quarter up off the stairs and getting pushed over by the mad rush of teens coming up the stairs behind them. LOL That was a good little ADD break.
To get my mind off of the CASH that is DUE NOW!!!
Rude.
But honestly... Would you have lied to skip out on $200 BUCKS!?
Come on!... Tell me the truth... :) The fOR rEaLs truth...

Healing Field

Every year since 9.11.01, Sandy City displays this incredibly overwhelming tribute, in the parkway promenade, to remember the lives that were lost that horrible day.

I sincerely hope peace and comfort has found the families and citizens recovering from 9/11.

.: Will Hump For Hummus :.

I am in love all over again.
After my little obsession with Edamame. And then PB&J with potato chips. And then Queso Bean Dip... And then cold cereal for a straight week. I thought I would never be able to love again.
Why IN THE HELL have I never liked this stuff before!?
IT IS BRILLIANT! A Bean! Smooshed! On a cracker!
OUTSTANDING!

I made some just now, well, like ten minutes ago, and it was ok... but Costco's is way better. Everything is better from Costco.
AAAnd I'm pretty sure it is easier to make it with a food processor, not a blender.
Which reminds me -

Dear Santa...

My Bad.

Once upon a time, in the land of Running Very Late - on the planet of Alarm Didn't Go Off, Princess Amanda was in a BIG hurry to get to work. The Mayor had an eye exam that morning and of course, Amanda was supposed to open the office that day.
In a mega-super-big hurry (without her hair done or her face on) she grabbed her purse and locked the door, and ran to her car (praying that the traffic gods were in her favor that morning).
She got to her car and realized her keys were not in her hand. For reals. The clicky-button unlocker thingy was nowhere to be found!
She threw her brand new purse on the ground and began to rummage through it looking for those GOD DAMNED KEYS!
She said (ok screamed) a few choice words, and ran back to her apartment, I MEAN CASTLE!!! This was so unlike her to throw a temper tantrum!
Naturally, the door was locked, as were all the windows... all fucking four of them.
So in a non-thought processing, already stressful morning - Princess Amanda knew there was only one thing left to do...
She backed up a step (because that IS ALL the room there is in front of her door - she cant afford a very BIG castle, you know...) and with one really hard Tae-Bo kick (maybe two I don't really remember - nor do I care) she huffed, and she puffed, and she KICKED that damn door in!

Princess Amanda grabbed her keys and sped safely to work.
When she got to work - she found that the Mayor was late for his appointment anyways... Which is a WHOLE 'NOTHER STORY.

So all day long Amanda stewed and pondered and thought and brainstormed about what story to make up to tell her landlord about the broken door... Break in? No... Nothing was stolen.
A friends' kid locked us out and there was a baby in there!? No... thats neglect.
I was baking a cake and locked myself out when I went to take the garbage out? Nope. No one is that stupid.
So at the end of the day some little Christ-like voice inside her told her to tell the truth... maybe it wouldnt be that bad...
Wrong. $70 dollars later... Always ALWAYS lie.
And I have two words for you people... Anger Management with a side car of Klonopin.

Oh Happy Day!

The Noisy Mexican Neighbors moved out!! HOORAY HOORAY! However, the house is going to be turned into a half-way house...

GREAT! Do away with the all-nighter tortilla parties - and bring in the quivering addicts.

Maybe I can score some good recreational drugs.

Not for me... to sell! I am still a broke ass.

Love Love LOVE this!

There comes a point in your life when you realize

who matters,

who never did,

who won't anymore...

and who always will.

So, don't worry about people from your past,

there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

'Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'

Overheard in a Wal-Mart Bathroom...

Little Girl: OOOOOOHHH She'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes! WHEN SHE COMES!! She'll be comin' 'round the moun....

Mama: SHHhhhhh - Lily!

Little Girl: She'll be comin' 'round the mountain, she'll be comin' 'round the mountain, She'll be comin' 'round the mountain WHEN SHE COOOOMMES!!!

Mama: LILY!! JUST GO!!!

Little Girl: But MOM!! It helps me CONCENTRATE!!
"OOOOOOOHHH........."