...And so it goes...

This one time, I couldn't muster up the energy to blog about stupid things that no one cares about, because when it comes from my brain - only I can appreciate the full value of its content.
Like pigeon poop on windows and people with ugly hair and stories of impulse purchases and the foods I crave, aaannd... Ok, well I guess that's what my blog consists of. Yaaayy!
Well this one is dedicated to all my readers! BOTH of you! Thanks Mom and Dad! I don't know what I'd do without your pantries and laundry rooms!

...And just like that time flew right on by. Christmas was over, and snow was everywhere! Its cold and gross and I spend most of my time hibernating under a blanket somewhere.

I am literally sitting here thinking about what to write, wondering if anyone even reads this.
Maybe I'll just start making up shit and posting pictures of random people.

You people with offspring really have an advantage to this blogging thing because you can blog about kids. Kids are funny. And fascinating. And loud. And so many other adjectives... You can blog about how cute they are, and the funny stuff they say, and how smart they are getting.
Its not really creative, or even interesting for that matter to talk about myself... picture this:

"Your not even going to believe what I did today! Ok, so I was looking in the mirror at this HUGE zit on my forehead and I was all, Oh my gosh! But it was just so cute how I said it like - Oh.my.gosh. Well, I guess you had to be there...
Anyways, then suddenly I realized I had to do something real quick so I screamed SHHIITT! (I don't know where I learned that word, I'll have to discuss it with my father) and I ran into the other room and jumped on the computer and logged onto my bank website and paid my car payment before I was assessed a late fee!! It was quite an adventure!"

I'm thinking... not so much.
So this is pretty much a blog to tell you that there are more blogs coming.
-A plan to make a plan-
I gotta work on that...

Results of Being Undermedicated.

Oh hello there. I was just polishing off a bottle of wine, watching American Schmidol and decided to tell you about what a horrible person I am.

Drunk you ask? Not even close. When that asshole Simon Cowell becomes even remotely attractive to me (even though his extremely horrible brittish haircut gives me those dry heaving quivers up my spine) THAT is when I'll be drunk.

For the last couple weeks, when I arrive home to my humble abode a.k.a. Mexican-whore-house-neighborhood-residing, cheapest-I'll-ever-find apartment with yellow counter tops and brown cupboards... I pull into my covered parking stall and the car's head lights draw my eyes to how many cigarette butts have magically appeared on the asphalt aligning the fence in front of where I park...
(Let me just touch on this for a minute - its not like there are people walking by smoking a pack of cigarettes in 1.4 seconds... there is no room for walking. its not a walking area. if I saw someone walking in between these cars, I would call the cops... this can only mean that they are being thrown over the fence by the neighbors.)

Well, these nasty-ass butts have just been piling up for a while and tonight when I came home I lost my cool - actually the cool has been long gone, I am 'in the red' when it comes to the 'cool zone'... I went APE SHIT.

I marched inside my house to get some rubber gloves and picked up all the butts that have been more than obviously thrown over the fence, and left them in a cute little gift bag - that can easily be used as an outside ashtray- on the neighbor's porch with a little note:

'To whomever is throwing their butts over the fence - It needs to stop. :)
Here! Use this cute bag to put them in, but please stop throwing them over the fence.'

Here's the deal. Smoking is nasty. Always has been, always will be. I have even been known to have a few cigs when I am drinking, but this is just plain RUDE. I would never toss my garbage over the fence into someones yard or area. Ruuude.

Overheard in Target

(Little boy, maybe 3 or 4, running around in a perfect circle, but not annoying enough for me to roll my eyes and blog about lack of parenting skills)

Mom: Please dont run. Come stand by me.

Boy: O Tay. (still running)

Mom: I said please come stand by me and not to run around, we are in the store - I knew I should have left you in the car...

Boy: But mom, 'dis is a good ting.

Mom: Oh? How is that?

Boy: (In the cutest little kid lisp I have ever heard in MY LIFE)
The more I run, the more tired my legs get, and then I will go to bed early... You SEE?

You Know When...

There is a body wash you really like,

and you wont purchase anything but...

and you take complete advantage of it by using more than you need cuz it smells so damn good, as should your cooter...

Then you run out so you go to the store to purchase some more only to find that they are out...?

So you go to 13 more stores and no one has it... For REAL!?

And then you get that pounding chest pain like 'Ohmygod why didn't I stock up!?'

Whatever happened to THE BRAINWASHING LESSONS on food storage, and that FOOD STORAGE is not just for FOOD but TOILETRIES as well!?

And so you go on a mad dash from store to store PRAYING TO GOD they have it, whilst asking yourself WHAT DID I DO!!!???

WHAT DID I DO TO GOD TO DESERVE THIS!?

WHY must Johnson&Johnson STOP MAKING my FAVORITE BODY WASH!!!

HOW DARE THEM!!! Those heartless multi-bazillionaire BASTARDS!!!! They dont care who they get addicted to their products, then they just TAKE THEM AWAY like CRACK from an ADDICT!!!

No? Only me? hmmm.

So then I finally found some in the last place I checked... Damn skippy, I bought all 7 bottles.

Even Facebook knows I'm Crazy

Oh. YEAH. Cuz That's not me at ALL.

Stupid Facebook quiz.

My head is pounding. And I wish it was alcohol induced.
Or maybe its because I am the smartest person alive and its really a burden to carry around this heavy brain.

I just thought of my diet plan for 2009...
I just spent about 100 dollars on movies.
And now I have no money left for food. TA-DA!

So at least I'll be heavily entertained while I am starving myself to death.
Well, maybe not to death, I mean, I do have responsibilities... a job...bills... that's all I can think of.

But not to worry, knowing my bipolar, wishy-washy, ever-changing moods and ideas... as soon as that liquor store opens back up tomorrow, you bet your sweet little ass there will be wine on sale, and I'll be stocking up.