As the story goes, When I was 15 or 16 (I don't remember, I've tried to block out this memory), I was the lead in some church roadshow play. And I rocked. I was one badASS Fairy Godmother.
Opposite me was this creepy jerk face dick wad and to put it lightly, I hated his guts.
Sounds like I still do.
I thought it would be a good idea to give the director a bouquet of beautiful roses after the show. At the end of the play after everyone cheered me on, ahem, I mean the cast of course...
I ran backstage to get the flowers and walked over to the mic to bring her up on stage to thank her for her hard work, when all of a sudden A*hole-boy grabs the flowers out of my hands and MAKES A SPEECH that sounds a little like:
"I just wanted to thank you for everything, so I got you these flowers".
WTF?!? OH NO YOU DIDN'T YOU PUNKASS!!
And I'm still bitter about it. But didn't actually remember this story until last night when I get a text from my mom:
Mom: Hey who was the boy lead when you were in the roadshow?
Me: That asshole Kaleb.
Mom: LOL oh yeah, how could I forget...
Me: He ruined my life!
Mom: Your whole life?
Me: Oh yeah. That thunder stealin' bastard can rot in hell with Beelzebub.
Mom: Took all the credit...bastard!
Me: Mom I don't want to talk about it right now! ;)
Mom: Your father and I always wanted you to marry him and have wild sex.
Me: F U . Gross!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
* * SUPER DEAL * *
I don't know if any of you people have the incredible urge to purchase THE MOST AMAZING flat-iron on the planet - but I saw my most superest-favorite brand at Costco in Sandy today for a whopping $60. I was so excited to see this I think I peed a little!
It is the CHI - and it is the ONLY kind I will use on my knappy, unruly, frizzy and impossible hair...hence - why I look so fabulous all the time. ITS ALL IN THE HAIR TOOLS PEOPLE.
I would have gotten one but I have two already. Yeah, it's THAT good!
Let me reiterate how slammin of a deal this is:
I cant get this good of a deal as a licensed cosmetologist, at the beauty supply.
Um...Yeah. They retail for about $120 - $180. I've even seen them for about $200.
60 Dollars. Sixty. $60. SIX ZERO. DID YOU HEAR ME?
Spend the money. They last FOREVER. Your hair will love you. I ain't shittin ya.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
f word
you know what, this is like the fifth time i have sat down to blog and this damn thing deletes everything i typed and all the stupid pictures i loaded.
angry you ask? NO never! I dont even care if i spell anything wrong because i am not checking it!!! and it will probably take me a while to get out of my bitter mood and blog again. so lets blame the internet. bastards!
angry you ask? NO never! I dont even care if i spell anything wrong because i am not checking it!!! and it will probably take me a while to get out of my bitter mood and blog again. so lets blame the internet. bastards!
Friday, July 3, 2009
I Have Lip Issues
While tidying up a bit around mi casa, I ran into (this many) 'Lip Shit' 's.
Mind you, this does not include how many are hiding under the seat in my vehicle, how many are in my desk at work, or pockets in pants and other places I tend to store them - nor does it include my lipstick collection.
Some may call this an obsession, a waste of money, think it's funny, or even envy me...
Some may even conclude that 'It's just because I'm a woman'.
I think that my luscious lips will never be dry or chapped while I'm in charge!!
...Unless I lose these in a terrible fire or natural disaster, which is doubtful.
Mind you, this does not include how many are hiding under the seat in my vehicle, how many are in my desk at work, or pockets in pants and other places I tend to store them - nor does it include my lipstick collection.
Some may call this an obsession, a waste of money, think it's funny, or even envy me...
Some may even conclude that 'It's just because I'm a woman'.
I think that my luscious lips will never be dry or chapped while I'm in charge!!
...Unless I lose these in a terrible fire or natural disaster, which is doubtful.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Waiting Room Etiquette
Is your kid seriously THROWING toys across the waiting room while your just sitting there?
And just dumped a cup of water in the middle of the floor.
And touched every single cookie on the plate after wiping his snotty nose with his hand.
And mixed up a concoction of creamer, sugar and water then leave it there for me to clean up.
Did you seriously just grab a HANDFUL of mints out of the candy dish?
And then you seriously did it again on the way out.
So, when you walk in and just sit down without checking in with the front desk, I don't think you really have grounds to be mad at ME for YOU sitting there 'forever' without saying anything as to WHY YOU ARE HERE. Seriously?
Did you seriously just ask for a cookie?
'Where's the cookies? You used to have cookies' YOUR 50! Go buy a cookie!
Did you seriously just clean out your purse and leave all of your garbage on the table beside you?
Your seriously asking if we can 'turn the TV to something less boring - like The View?'
And just dumped a cup of water in the middle of the floor.
And touched every single cookie on the plate after wiping his snotty nose with his hand.
And mixed up a concoction of creamer, sugar and water then leave it there for me to clean up.
Did you seriously just grab a HANDFUL of mints out of the candy dish?
And then you seriously did it again on the way out.
So, when you walk in and just sit down without checking in with the front desk, I don't think you really have grounds to be mad at ME for YOU sitting there 'forever' without saying anything as to WHY YOU ARE HERE. Seriously?
Did you seriously just ask for a cookie?
'Where's the cookies? You used to have cookies' YOUR 50! Go buy a cookie!
Did you seriously just clean out your purse and leave all of your garbage on the table beside you?
Your seriously asking if we can 'turn the TV to something less boring - like The View?'
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