Remember when I didn't really blog all that much anymore, because I was too stressed out about everything in life, including EVERYTHING.
Well not to worry any longer my fellow readers I now have
all the time in the world to write nonsense words on this silly thing that only I and like 3 other people I know think are funny.
I, Amanda, am now currently unemployed. (enter chirping crickets)
It's actually a lot better than people make it sound.
I wake up around 10...
Surf the net for an hour...
Apply for every job in the world except for something in janitorial and McDonald's...
Start cleaning something in my house before getting distracted...
Watch the View...
Eat nothing all day because I have no food...
Oh, don't worry about me. My body is eating itself. I've damn near lost 10 LBS IN 5 DAYS!!
Actually, rewind a little bit. I lied. I do have a super-duper-part-time job doing hair still.
Yeah, its really great. I made $10 dollars this week.
...I know this was going somewhere... OH YES! REMEMBERING STUFF!
Now that I have time to sit here in this shitty little apartment all by my lonesome, I think a lot.
Where did life go wrong? How did I accumulate so much SHIT in 3 years of being here? Why is the sky blue? Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?
...And in this time I've thought of some pretty crazy stuff...
Remember that one time when I dated a guy who wore panties. That was really fun.
It wasn't a fetish or anything. He had a very valid argument. His junk felt so much better in Victoria's Secret's panties than in Hane's Fruit of the Loom CRAP.
Don't worry- Vickie and I will keep your secret safe. OK, Ricky Ricardo*?
(*Names have been changed for confidentiality)Does anyone who has lived in Utah for the majority of their lives remember JOBBERS ODD LOT!? Oh. My. I just got excited saying it! My mom used to take me and my cousins and let us spend XX amount (Couldn't have been more than $2) and EVERY TIME I would come home with a sack full of rubber mice or plastic baby binkies. Don't ask. It's just a memory, OK? Don't judge me.
Remember when you could actually meet people in real places, and not just on the Internet?
How am I supposed to meet a dude without going to church? Wal-mart? The grocery store? Should I be hanging out at a mechanic shop or a hunting store? I'm so confused.
Remember when I taught a guy about how using matches in the bathroom covers up that shit smell? Yeah, your welcome for that pleasant little tip, if you didn't know about it already.
I thought everyone did. I thought it was like a 'bathroom rule'. Just like how folding the TP neatly to wipe your ass is better than using half the roll wadded up in a ball. I used to get in trouble for that...using up all the toilet paper.
I still don't fold it neatly. Oh, yeah. REBEL right here. I have a name tag I like to wear around that reads, "Hello My Name is:
TOILET PAPER WASTER".
Remember when times were simpler? There were things to do that didn't cost a damn fortune? People were actually happy and content with just going on a drive, or playing at the park, or baking something when you were bored...? Now its like: WHAT DO I DO!? THERE IS NOTHING ON TV!! I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!? OH THE AGONY!
No? It's just me? OK, NEXT!
Remember when music wasn't CRAP? I swear to god I was born in the wrong decade. I'm still stuck on listening to the Bee Gees, Hall & Oates, England Dan & John Ford Coley, ABBA, and James Taylor... then I accidentally turn the radio on and hear some kind of crap about 'making love in a club', or somebody's 'magic stick'. Or is it 'disco stick'? Either way, I don't think a song about being " 'in' somebody", 'being in love with a stripper' or 'backing that ass up' is going to help any of today's youth.
My all-time favorite radio-edit is a song about a stripper trying to make money to feed her kid. It's actually a pretty good 'message' in the song... if you really want to see the lyrics you can see it
HERE. They bleep out the word 'rape', but BY GOD they allowed the words 'smoking rock'. '
Rock', as in cocaine or meth. I don't really know - neither were my drug preference... but, REALLY? I guess you'd have to hear it to know the context in which it is used, but it kind of threw me for a loop. Enough for me to still be talking about it.
Remember Shrink-a-Dinks? I am having the darndest time locating some. And even if I found them it's not like I could buy them. I'm using that $10 to purchase more toilet paper.
Over and Out.
